Blog
Essays on writing, publishing, childfree life, the gender politics of an author's name, and whatever's been on my mind.
Hoping to "Succeed" at Writing? (What Is "Failure"?)
One summer around ten years ago, while in the artistically bipolar midst of writing a novel, I discovered after a shower that I had a perfectly round and perfectly bald spot the size of a quarter behind my right ear. I had no idea how long…
A Teacher Kissed Me in High School
..but please don't call me a victim. ♦ “That’s where Mr. X kissed me,” I almost said. My husband Ian and I were watching the Hallmark movie A Heidelberg Holiday . It had been filmed in the German town where we’d met as teenagers while…
Authors on the Importance of Trusting Yourself (and writing what & how you want to write)
I interview a lot of writers for JaneFriedman.com , and I’ve also been listening to many interviews with writers, primarily on The VJ Books Podcast and The Thriller Zone . My favorite part of any interview is one in which the writer shares…
Right, Like a Man: On the Power of Gender in an Author's Name
I prefer the way I write when, while writing, I imagine being read as a man. There’s an immediate freedom to not be apologetic. To do as we were taught in high school English and eliminate the self-conscious “I think…” from the writing.…
Do Women Enjoy Being the Weaker Sex (More than Just Physically)?
Yesterday I asked Ian, my husband, how he’d feel if we were traveling somewhere and I offered to put his carry-on into an airplane’s overhead bin for him. Would he let me do it? No, he said, he would not. I asked why. “Because I can do it…
I Am More than My Looks! (But still, I'm beautiful, right?)
In an episode of Burn Notice , which I used to watch while exercising before I became a Caroline Girvan devotee, a man hires Mike (or, in our house, Burn Notice) to find the guy who beat up his sister and put her in the hospital. The guy…
Scare Tactics & Lies: How women are lured into making babies (Part I of II)
“I shouldn’t say never but I’m dreading motherhood.” I saw that tweet years ago and haven’t been able to forget it. It sticks with me because I used to feel that way. In my first post-high school relationship, as a girlfriend to the guy…
Q&A: The Year of Dan Palace
This interview was originally published on the now-absent website Indie Bookworm, hosted/written by Cathy Murray. It's short. Enjoy! P.S. If you're interested in receiving a copy of The Year of Dan Palace for review or interview purposes,…
A Hopeful Author Apologizes to a Literary Agent for an Email Error
From: JessicaSmith@mail.com To: JessicaVale@agentmail.com Sent: Saturday, 11:07 PM Dear Jessica Vale, In my recent email to you requesting representation for my literary novel Letters Lost , I neglected to include my telephone number. I…
Society and a Middle-Aged Woman Meet at a Diner (and have an honest conversation)
SOCIETY is already seated when MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN (MAW) enters the diner. Society watches as MAW approaches and sits down. SOCIETY: I’m pleased we’re doing this. I know you’ve been wanting to get something off your chest, and —Oh, yes, it…
The Slow Burn of an Empty Nest
“I don’t want them to go. Seriously. I love them to death. But once they are gone, won’t it be kind of nice to have fewer complications, fewer interruptions?” These are the things you say before they go, before they’re gone. Up until the…
We Women Know our Value (Especially when an abortion ban threatens to kill us)
On March 7, Mika Brzezinski of MSNBC’s Morning Joe commented in a telling way on the five Texas women suing the state after being denied abortions that would have reduced the risks to their lives. About 15 minutes into the program, after…
If I’m Lucky, I’ll Achieve My Dream the Day Before I Die - And Not a Day Sooner
A few years ago my 48 year-old husband got the job he’d always wanted at one of the best companies he could work for. I’m happy he achieved his dream, but I also feel bad for him. I feel bad for most people who realize their Big Dream and…
Imagine You're a Painter
Especially if you're a writer Imagine a painter. She stands at her easel under a skylight, a cup of brushes on a nearby table. The drop cloth under her feet is dotted and smeared with color. An abstract arrangement of shapes covers the…
My dad’s death made me explore the idea of childfree “regret” & “dying alone”
But I didn’t change my mind about kids One of the questions frequently posed to childfree people is a two-parter: A: “What if you regret it?” B: “Aren’t you afraid of dying alone?” My reason for not wanting kids was so simple (I just…
Yes, There IS a Wrong Time to Start a Family
As young as five years old, I understood without real understanding that when I grew into a woman I would someday, inevitably, become a mother. As a little girl, I semi-regularly played the game of House with a friend who lived in the next…
Obitogy for Steve / Dad Tsetsi
Steve Tsetsi was not born a dad, though it felt like he could have been. Instead, he was born a regular baby. . The first of five kids, he was a big brother to (in order of life appearance) Christine (Chris), Larry, Linda, and Mark.…
Interview with WWII veteran Ted Cummings about his influences, his decision to join the Marines, and his role in the war
The following interview with Theodore R. Cummings was conducted in November 2013. Mr. Cummings, a friendly, energetic, and overall lovely interview subject, died two years later in September 2015. Since retiring from his position as…
Untitled
Originally posted in 2013 In January, two figures sneaked into the book room of a Colorado public school. One of them had unlocked it with a key hanging on a ring the principal had given her for access to a supply closet. “We both wanted…
Social media’s “thigh gap” trend not to blame for eating disorders
Originally published Tuesday, Oct. 15, 2013 in the Journal Inquirer by Kristen J. Tsetsi The website wikiHow, which offers step-by-step instructions on how to build a door, drive a car with manual transmission, and accept not having…
There’s more to preventing rape than the victims not getting drunk, experts say
Originally published in the Journal Inquirer as “How can we stop rape?” Tuesday, Dec. 3, 2013 by Kristen J. Tsetsi The University of Michigan reports that according to studies conducted in 2000 and 2001, teaching men to be dominant and…
New England "Hi, bookstore. Buy my book?" Tour: Stop 1 - Tru Books
I'm a flailing mess when it comes to marketing. One day, I'm sending emails to outlets while worrying that I'm not doing enough on the social networking front (something I'm decidedly not built for, but that I lamely try, anyway). The next…
The making of a book: Part II
Years ago, on a now-abandoned Wordpress site, I made A book's stages of growth: in pictures after having written my first novel, Homefront ( Homefront later became Pretty Much True, which became Pretty Much True by Chris Jane, and yes it's…
A conversation about Aziz Ansari in texts
Less about him, maybe, and more about the article about him. Note: The texts below are a conversation that happened spontaneously and are shared here to illustrate the complexity of the #metoo ... well, it might be fitting in some cases to…
Dehumanizing women in advertising
* for the Journal Inquirer (& still more than relevant enough to re-post years later) Federal prosecutors have said one-time East Hartford, Conn. “pimp” Brian Forbes sold two young women to another “pimp” for a promised payment of more…
Book covers distracting me from writing at my Barnes & Noble Starbucks table
Between Two Worlds by Tyler Henry Oh, that wide-smiling, angel-haired Tyler. Am I crazy to believe he talks to dead people? Yes, you say, but I say no. If famous actors—many of them ardent skeptics, mind you—believe him, shouldn’t I? For…
Polyamory: An interview
I'll admit to being uncomfortable with, but not judgmental of, polyamory. My discomfort could be a direct consequence of my having been socialized to believe in one-person romantic love. (One person at a time, that is.) I blame pre-teen…
When pro-choice means not only "right to choose" but also "Think of the damn kids for a second."
I think it’s natural that people will see a book cover heading this post and assume, “This chick’s trying to sell her book again.” It’s a safe assumption, because I am. But for a reason. The whole thing was written for a reason. (Please…
On the question of parent licensing
"They make you study and get a license to drive a car. You need a license to buy a gun. Hell, you can't even go fishing without a license. But I tell ya, they'll let any ______ have a child." I can't be the only one who's heard someone say…
Self-Publishing “Lacks the Cool Factor”? But, Hasn’t Independence Always Been Cool?
Note: This post was originally published at my old website location, but my opinions haven't changed, so I moved it here. I don't know whether Edan Lepucki's opinions have changed.- K In “Kill the First Novel? Are You Insane?” I responded…
Man makes his first from-scratch salad at 33. Why? I ask him.
As a salad addict (I get a hankering if I go more than two days without one), I was recently shocked and awed to discover from a Facebook post made by Marko F., 33, that he had just made his first ever from-scratch salad. “So I did…
A mother says she regrets having kids: courageous or cruel?
Any child of parents can probably imagine what it might feel like to see a picture of their mother’s (or father’s) face in a major publication accompanying an article whose headline basically screams, “I wish I’d never had the lot o’ ya!”…
Farewell, foul word
A pre-mortem eulogy . Banned from dictionaries ‘til as late as ’69, Its birth forever shrouded in the myst’ry gauze of time— It is perhaps Germanic, or bequeathed by Scotts, or Swedes— The Word of Words, our giant, drags forth, bleeding,…
A cliche story told in cliches
Ah, to be young and foolish. In one fell swoop, Jenny had learned that history repeats itself, and she was therefore resolved to never again put her cart before the horse and to always look before she leaped... When she was a little less…
Forget FOMO--What about FODIW?
When a friend told me recently that she’d been judged for enjoying alone time when her kids spent summers with their dad, I worried—about myself. Had choosing not to parent meant I’d doomed myself to a life free from arbitrary and…
Other people
When you feel the strange tug in the left side of your chest, you'll think of that disease you recently read about, Powassan, and the tiny deer tick you pulled off your thigh in bed last week. Deer ticks--all ticks, really--are on the rise…
I can't be your grandbabymama
I think I can understand why you want a grandchild. After all, many years ago, you wanted a child. You could picture a baby crib filling the empty corner in the unused office overlooking the driveway. You flipped through magazines,…
Q&A: Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood
Originally published in the Journal Inquirer By Kristen J. Tsetsi Improvisational comedians Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood are probably best known for their split-second reactions to unexpected prompts in the recently renewed show now…
Books vs. eBooks
I understand the appeal of e-readers. Seriously. However, I have read only one full book using a Kindle (or Kindle app). That was because I wanted to read it NOW. When it comes to e-readers, I like the idea of the immediacy. And I can…
A first-time visit to the Church of Scientology
After (Scientologist) Tom Cruise criticized actress Brooke Shields’ use of antidepressants to treat postpartum depression in 2005 — and later claimed in an interview with the Today Show’s Matt Lauer to be something of an expert on the…
Branford Marsalis: Keepin' it real
Originally published in the Journal Inquirer Jan. 31, 2013 By Kristen J. Tsetsi There are many typically-asked questions that won’t elicit typical responses from three-time Grammy Award-winning saxophonist Branford Marsalis. In a 2010…
James Galway is the best flute player in the world, and he isn't shy about it
Originally published in the Journal Inquirer Friday, Oct. 25, 2013 by Kristen J. Tsetsi Sir James Galway has been called the “man with the golden flute,” the “living legend of the flute,” and a “supreme interpreter of the classical flute…
Marriage and traumatic brain injuries: it can work
Originally published in the Journal Inquirer October 30, 2012. This is the first in a two-part series about traumatic brain injuries. Part 2 is The nature of traumatic brain injuries . By Kristen J. Tsetsi Heather McGrath of New London,…
Medical marijuana: use it or lose it
Originally published in the Journal Inquirer Thursday, Dec. 27, 2012 By Kristen J. Tsetsi [caption id="attachment_3371" align="alignleft" width="165"] Photo (c) The Public Record, www.pubrecord.org[/caption] A few years ago, someone very…
Pressuring people to procreate is presumptuous and, to children, perilous
[caption id="attachment_3362" align="alignleft" width="193"] Kathleen Parker. Photo (c) Newsbusters.org[/caption] Last year I was visiting my childhood friend, now a mother, when dinner time arrived. She squirted ketchup onto her…
"Revolutionary" author's experience with gender identity was critical to crafting a real-life character
Originally published in the Journal Inquirer Monday, June 9, 2014 By Kristen J. Tsetsi There are certain freedoms granted to young males. Author Alex Myers remembers that as a child his brother was allowed to wear pants to church and could…
Sure, we can kill off the people we don't like. But it's just as much fun to give everlasting life to those we like.
One day, when Ian and I still lived near Nashville, he needed a sudden favor that involved my taking an impromptu trip to Fort Campbell, KY, about a 45-minute drive. I had an early copy of Pretty Much True I wanted to bring to the…
The comparison game
Once upon a time, when Pretty Much True was Homefront and published under my own name, I was talking with the guys on GI Radio and was reminded of one of the awkward - and difficult, really - aspects of sitting at home while someone you…
The day my uncle met J.D. Salinger
My uncle *Harry, who lives about twenty minutes south of Cornish, NH, says a lot of famous people - oddly - come through the very small town he lives in. (I say "oddly" because it's not really advertised with road signs, and after turning…
The emotional experience of organ donation
Originally published in the Journal Inquirer Tuesday, Feb. 5, 2013 By Kristen J. Tsetsi After Lauren Maston, 33, received her heart transplant at 29, a letter from the donor’s mother helped send her into a deep depression. She was already…
The Katharine Gibbs Secretarial School changed the face of the business world, says former Gibbs dean
Originally published in the Journal Inquirer Monday, Aug. 18, 2014 By Kristen J. Tsetsi A New York Times obituary for former People magazine editor Patricia Ryan, who died late last year, sums up her education thus: “Ms. Ryan, whose only…
The nature of traumatic brain injuries
Originally published in the Journal Inquirer November 6, 2012. This is the second article in a two-part series about traumatic brain injuries. The first in the series was Marriage and traumatic brain injuries . By Kristen J. Tsetsi If…
The protesters and the protested, in their own words
I visited a small protest years ago in Rochester, NY outside of a downtown recruiting office. The protest was in support of 1LT Ehren Watada, who refused to deploy with his unit to Iraq. ( Wiki article on Watada. ) I wanted to know what…
The tender side of donating your body to science
Originally published in June, 2013, in the Journal Inquirer By Kristen J. Tsetsi Online, the curious can easily find images of students studying or standing beside bodies that have been donated to university medical programs. But none of…
When the gun reappears, it's time to get the hell out.
"One must not put a loaded rifle on the stage if no one is thinking of firing it." - Chekov "If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there." - From…
Who needs an editor? "Everybody," says editor Jim Thomsen (Q&A)
As I get closer to an agent hunt with a new book, I'm also once again considering the self-publishing option if the response from agents is one that suggests, as it did with my last project, that it's reader-ready ("Love it, but hard to…
Learning Lenny: Rescue as rescuer and "unconditional love"
People who take home shelter dogs will often say, "I didn't rescue my dog. My dog rescued me." Since my recent escape to hotel mountain for a break from the ridiculous amount of stress caused entirely by our new rescue dog, Lenny, and not…
Learning (and leaving) Lenny
As I write this, I'm holed up in a room on the second floor of a hotel ten miles from my house. It's raining. Over the balcony's wide railing I can see headlights about a quarter mile away sliding down the interstate's long, curved hill,…
5 On: Philip B. Persinger
Over at JaneFriedman.com , author Philip Persinger answers ten questions for 5 On. "I don’t think there is a silver bullet for marketing. There’s just good old-fashioned stick-to-it-iveness. If there were a magic formula, the guy who wrote…
5 On: Henry Baum
This week's 5 On interview is with author, musician, and Self-Publishing Review founder Henry Baum. Baum ( @henrybaum ) discusses self-publishing services, the value of a paid review, why he started his own self-publishing service (Kwill),…
Incidental Research: On inequity in publishing
Researching an interview subject will invariably take me to websites, articles, or reports I wasn't previously aware of and am happy to discover. If I think they're interesting, chances are someone else will, too, so I thought I'd start…
When is it time to give up?
I ask because in the last two years I've encountered three writers at some stage of giving up: one who already had, one who was going to quit as soon as she finished the project she was working on, and another who seemed to have decided…
Writing for the readers: A short story
__________________ * __________________ “No ideas?” “Oh,” he thumbed his mug handle, “I have ideas.” “Well, then. There you go. Write them.” “Can’t.” “Why not?” “Because. What’s the point?” “What do you mean?” “I mean,” he said, “what’s…
Writer's Lament: "O', Writing!"
It's not hard to imagine a young Dorothy Parker sitting at her Catholic school desk, an arm curled around her paper so the teacher and the girls sitting nearby can't see what she's writing (definitely not the assignment). Or Hunter S.…
Have all the legends already been made?
There's a prisoner at San Quentin the staff call "the bird man." That's what the bird man, whose real name is Mike Miller, says they call him, anyway. Ever since he arrived at San Quentin, he says in an episode of MSNBC's "Lockup," he's…
Recently posted 5On interviews
If you're not yet following 5On , you can keep track of newly published interviews by subscribing to my feed (bright red button over there -->) or Jane Friedman's blog feed. Or both, because then you'll receive more than interview updates,…
Hashtag: Kill the trigger warnings
Note: This is not about American Sniper . . . . When I watched American Sniper over the weekend, I wasn't sure how to feel through much of the movie. For the most part, I felt the way I do when watching just about any war movie: engaged.…
Gratitude for a shout-out
Michael Brookes, UK game developer and author of Sun Dragon , Faust 2.0 , and several others (favorably reviewed by Amazon and Goodreads readers), regularly posts a "shout-out" to blogs on his website. That he's regular about it doesn't…
Posted: 5On with Leora Skolkin-Smith
Leora Skolkin-Smith, author of Edges and Hystera and contributing editor to readysteadybook.com, answers five questions about writing and five questions about publishing at JaneFriedman.com . . What is failure? That it sells only a few…
5 On Moving to Jane Friedman's Blog
Not too long ago, I started 5 On because I wanted to find a way to connect people who have a certain amount of experience with people who might learn or benefit from that experience, and I wanted to do it in an informal, entertaining way.…
5 On: Kris Saknussemm
What does a successful writer have to worry about? How does someone with nearly constant creativity-on-the-brain manage a romantic relationship? Are male and female writers really that different? Kris Saknussemm answers these questions and…
5 On: Caroline Leavitt
In this 5 On interview, Caroline Leavitt talks about the effects of having a hit debut novel, the nightmare publishing scenario that followed, and what she won't write about. (And much more. Not to be missed.) . . . Caroline Leavitt is the…
5 On: Rick Shefchik
In this installment of 5 On , retired journalist Rick Shefchik, author of the novels Amen Corner , Green Monster , Frozen Tundra , and Rather See You Dead , talks about the everywriter fantasy of leaving a job to write novels, shares his…
About 5 On
I've been an MFA student, a writing instructor, and an author. I discovered as a student and as an instructor that the limitations of the teaching were that they focused heavily on the writing part of writing. There was little about…
5 On: Russell Rowland
In this 5On interview, author Russell Rowland on publishing horror stories, what keeps him writing through "why bother?" moments, marketing, and more. _____ Russell Rowland is the author of In Open Spaces , The Watershed Years , and High…
5 On: Timothy Gager
No matter how long someone has been writing and publishing (traditional or self), there's always something to learn. And there's usually, at one time or another, a desire to hear from someone who's gone through, or is going through,…
"The worst enemy to creativity is self doubt." - Sylvia Plath
Today's release of The Year of Dan Palace is, as suggested in the post title, much more than a confirmation of a finished task. [But first: To celebrate - because this book in particular earned the celebration (reason below) - the Kindle…
Isn't commercialism part of the art of being an artist?
In one of the Birdman scenes I could easily watch many times, intimidating New York Times theater critic Tabitha Dickinson (played by Lindsay Duncan) argues that there is a difference between being an actor (what Keaton's character Riggan…
How much of art's perceived inferiority or superiority is determined by method of release?
In the latest episode of The Flickcast , hosts Chris Ullrich and Joseph Dilworth Jr. are discussing the latest Star Wars movie when the conversation touches on the perceived value of independent art. Ullrich: I'm starting to worry that…
Poet K.C. Hanson on his new book, the Marine Corps + the arts, and the difficulty of publishing poetry
Don't know much about poetry. I studied it in high school and college the way most people do in high school and college, but I never developed the same feel for it that I did for fiction, whether reading or writing. I can make a rhyme,…
What would you do if you heard the world was ending (and you believed it)?
Among the many things happening in The Year of Dan Palace , one is an incidental love double-helix. Strand 1: Nina loves Dan loves April. Strand 2: Andy loves Jenny wants Dan. In a typical love triangle, each of the participants somehow…
Interview with a Getty image
In the interest of recording history, I recently interviewed a friend who deployed to Iraq several years ago. I chose him because he's honest and thoughtful, and because of his experience. He's been on two combat deployments to Iraq and…
Interview with "Haunted" author Reggie Lutz
Reggie Lutz is one of those people whose feed you look forward to when scrolling absently through Facebook. Her updates are engaging and off the wall, and seemingly effortless in a social media world that I've learned requires a certain…
A limerick for a comic.
There once was a wild comic genius Whose natural gift was to please us. But his gestures and jokes Were Technicolor smoke Hiding secrets to rival Berzelius.
A limerick for marriage.
A woman who loved Fifty Shades Was bored by her dull husband Dave. When she'd say, "No, honey" He'd sneak her worn copy And read every folded down page.
A limerick on dying.
There once was a jeweler named Earl Whose fear was the end of the world. The pitchers of beer Worked to silence his fears 'Til the night he drunk-choked on a pearl.
A limerick in defense of the cat.
There once was a cat named McGoo Whose dead owner became kitty food. This might make cats scary, But when things get hairy... Look. Starving, you'd eat the guy, too.
A limerick for prey.
There once was a young man named Tuck Who carried a gun in his truck. He'd shoot it at melons Ignorin' the yellin' Of hunters out tryin' to kill ducks.
Interview with "Good Ole Tom" Tinney
Originally published in the Journal Inquirer by Kristen J. Tsetsi When Good Ole Tom’s owner Tom Tinney travels between residences in Florida, Arizona, and Connecticut, he doesn’t fly. He has a nice car, he said, and he enjoys being in it.…
RJ Keller Talks Second-Novel Blues and Pie
I had so much fun interviewing RJ Keller about The Wendy House (working title) before that I thought I'd do it again. (Admittedly, I might have been finding a passive-aggressive way to say, "Hurry up and finish so I can read it!") Q: Let's…
Former Random House Author Self-Publishes Thriller that Views 9/11 from New Perspective
As self-publishing becomes an increasingly popular option for writers of all kinds (the good and the not so good, those who have tried the agent route and those who haven't), there are those who continue to cling - and probably will for…
CRAIG LANCASTER Q&A WITH JIM THOMSEN
Details about how you can win a copy of Craig's novel, The Summer Son, appear at the end of the interview. - Kristen Their friendship was forged in the world of daily newspapers, where Craig Lancaster works as a chief copy editor at the…